Everyone handles death of a sibling or parent differently because our emotions are not the same. It also depends on how old a person is and where they are in their pathway of life as in married, family, satisfied job, as well as how close was their connection with the person who died.
The pain is intense it feels as if someone shoved a hand down your throat and ripped your heart out without giving you any knock-out gas or something to dull the pain first. You want to scream at somebody, and then cry until your whole body hurts. Each memory that you encounter brings a new flood of tears and the knowledge that you will not be able to make any new memories with this sibling/parent that has gone away. Most of the time it feels like you are dreaming and will soon wake up. You feel deserted, that death has cheated you on the chance to clear up any bad feelings that was between you and the deceased. Sometimes you even feel that it should have been you instead of the loved one that died. This brings God into the picture and you question His decision to take this person out of your life. What was the purpose?
Friends, acquaintances and family all try to help you through the grief but in truth you are the only person that can make this journey. As other members of the family must make their own way through the grieving stages so must you. Sometimes it is handy to talk to another sibling about the deceased. Talking makes everything seem more real and not a nightmare that you will soon wake from. Friends and acquaintances that come to see you and offer their condolences seem unreal because you are still in that stunned dream state. Your friends are needed but only after the shock has wore off and you realize that you will never see the loved one again.
If a person is married and has a family of their own the acceptance is sometimes better because they can lean on his/her spouse and children. Mostly this just helps to keep a person occupied with other things to do. A grieving person spends a lot of time being on automatic pilot because the loss of a loved one is so painful. The transition of time to overcome the grief is different with each person. At the end of the grieving time you will find that you start to judge your present life in a sense as to where you are headed. Do I like my life? Is there something that I want to change? Do I enjoy my job? Will everyone survive if I pass away?
When writing this I recall the losses in my family. I lost two older brothers and two fathers and even now when it has been many years I still feel the pain and start to cry. Their deaths all came when I was older and had moved away from home so I could not really tell anyone how to help their young children in the grief of losing a sibling or a parent.
There are Internet sites as well as local help that can assist someone that is grieving over the loss of a loved one. Here are a couple of links:
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